I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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