I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
