omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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