Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
