just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
