You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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