Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
