this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
