my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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