Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
