Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
