she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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