corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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