Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
