Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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