I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
