so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
