I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
