And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
