I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
