Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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