marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
