Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
