I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
