If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
