I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
