I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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