dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
