I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
