well I can't set my house on fire every night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What a dumb baby whore.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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