Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
