meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
