My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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