I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
