So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My balls are so social today.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
