giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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