sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
