my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
