so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
