I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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