Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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