i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
