she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
