covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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