I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
