I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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