you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
