i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
