That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
