meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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