I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
