new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
