I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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