Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so let's talk penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
