i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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